There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
