hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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