YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
