Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
