Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
