soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
