Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just want to make out with him forever
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
