You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
