You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
