perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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