so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
