Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
