I will die if light touches me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
