Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
