The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
