No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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