Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just high enough for therapy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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