I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
