I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
