EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
