Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
