And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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