Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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