So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
