Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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