I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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