hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
