Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
