what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
