i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
