It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
