Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
