Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
