I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
