so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
