I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
