I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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