I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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