you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
