I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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