Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
