Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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