At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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