What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
