ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
