I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
