Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I came so hard my ears popped.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
