does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
