Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
3 2 1 whiskey
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
