We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my liver is dry heaving
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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