You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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