A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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